On the evening of the third moon, Ana once again returned to the water’s edge as the moon rose over the setting sun; this time with a pen in hand with a journal of many colors. So many thoughts, ideas, and feelings raced through Ana’s head and she wanted capture every word, every lesson, every moment that flowed.
As before, the Wise Woman was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge, and opened her right hand, palm down, to show she was eager to know more.
The Wise Woman said, “Your largest finger, your middle finger, represents your Heart, for your emotions allow you to create, develop, and build relationships.
“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our hearts, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we begin to hide our emotions, bury our affections for another, and deny our selves of desired relationships. Eventually this fear breeds emotional turmoil, leading to deterioration of relationships with our loved ones.”
“Hmmmmm.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Oh nothing.”
Again, they built a small fire along the water’s edge.
“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?
“Yes.”
Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.
Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.
She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger.
As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit… Like before, just like the first time.
She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled her first love. She fell hard for David, a young man with whom she met through her childhood friend, Kathy. Six years her senior, David was smart, funny, and caring. She was most appreciative of his genuine warmth and incredible patience as she became comfortable with his attention and affections. Yet, as much as she loved him, her family disapproved of their relationship; partly because of the age difference and partly because he was at a loss as to what to do with his college education. Not one for confrontations, she dated him secretly for a time, but the burden proved to be too great. Heartbroken and not knowing what else to do, she eventually broke off her relationship with him. To this day, she regretted not being strong enough to defend herself and the fragile love she felt for him. As tears started to flow, she wondered how different her life, his life would now be had she chosen her love for him over that of her family.
Since then she has struggled with relationships and in openly expressing her needs and true feelings. In trying so hard to please others, she shortchanged her own self and her own needs. Her mind now drifted towards Jason, her new love who remained friendly towards his former loves.
“How does he do that?” she thought in amazement. For she still held so much bitterness towards her former loves; not only for having stayed in unsatisfying often abusive relationships for far too long, but also for still having romantic thoughts and feelings for them.
With her tears starting to diminish, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Listening carefully to the Owl she heard, “Ana… trust not only your head, but your heart too.” Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off and to absorb everything she learned before getting dressed.
Looking up once more at the light of the half moon, Ana learned so much this evening about relationships; not only with others, but also with her own self. She learned so much about love and about forgiveness. She learned over time relationships often take on many forms, transitioning fluidly from one form to another. What may first be romantic, may work better as friendship; what may start as friendship may blossom into something passionate and romantic; or what may appear as friendship may also embrace romance. The true nature of each relationship stands on its own merit without judgment; the beauty of each embraced for its uniqueness; its love realized when accepted and honored.
Thinking about Jason once more, she started to understand how he did it. In showing her what loved looked and felt like, she realized it was a feeling she always wanted him to feel for her regardless of their relationship’s path. Embracing her own self as she stood near the fire, the unconditional love he has shown her was has been incredibly beautiful with its unwavering acceptance; its warmth filled with hope, promises, and possibilities. With her heart now filled with so much joy, a joy she wanted others to feel too, she learned love is not for a select few. Rather, it is as basic as the air we breathe. A need each of us can fulfill in another as long as our heart is open to the possibility. The choice is ours. Reclaiming her heart along with all its emotions, calmness soon followed.
Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.
“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”
Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.
To be continued…
