Filed under: self-discovery Tagged: Aponi the Butterfly, Legend of Self-Discovery ]]> http://aponithebutterfly.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/aponi/feed/ 0 43.226449 -78.026683 43.226449 -78.026683 Theresa L Fischette Scribe2 http://aponithebutterfly.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/the-eighth-moon/ http://aponithebutterfly.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/the-eighth-moon/#comments Mon, 10 May 2010 02:13:33 +0000 Theresa Fischette http://aponithebutterfly.wordpress.com/?p=271 Continue reading →]]> On the evening of the eighth moon, as the moon rose over the setting sun, Ana once again walked along the water’s edge in search of the Wise Woman, this time singing and dancing, “I’m Yours,” for all to hear. “Woo hoo”  she shouted.

Once again, the Wise Woman was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge and opened her left hand, palm down, to show on this, their eighth meeting, she was eager to learn more.

“Your middle finger, the largest finger, represents your Family Life. This is where you create, develop, and build a relationship with family members. Whether your family consists of blood relatives or cherished friends, this life allows you to work with your loved ones as well as build your legacy to pass onto future generations.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our family life – either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others – to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we never fully bond with our loved ones due to indifference, a lack of participation, prolonged absences, refusal to work cooperatively, or withholding much-needed attention, affection, and appreciation.”

“This life too, I suppose?” Ana asked.

The Wise Woman quietly nodded and said, “You’re learning.”

As they continued their conversation, they built a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes,” Ana said.

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.

She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger.

As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit.

Her breasts followed, along with each nipple. Moving downward, she touched her stomach and the sides of her body.

She then allowed each of her ten fingers to enter and then slowly exit her navel. Further downward, she touched her genital area and her buttocks. As she touched, she relaxed even more. Her inner thigh areas came next, including each of her buttock cheeks. Her legs, including her knees, calf, ankles, feet, and each toe, were all that remained.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, Ana recalled how her relationship with her sisters declined over the years. Never incredibly close, their relationship strained even more when their gravely ill mother needed to transition from a place she knew for 34 years as home to a “safe home.” Ana’s mother was so precious to her. She wanted so much protect her, to love her, to care for her, and most of all … to appreciate her during her final days. This “safe home” would be very much like home – a place where her mother would be able to socialize, have all the comforts of home, and most of all… be safe. Ana thought… it’s easy to consider a physical place a home, but is it really a home if her health and safety are at risk? A physical place without proper attention, without someone to tend to her every need, without a sense of safety and well-being is just an address, a temporary shelter.

For a time Ana cried uncontrollably. While she wanted to honor her mother’s wishes to make medical decisions on her behalf, she hated the conflict that swirled around her. The task was made more difficult knowing what was best for her mother was not necessarily, what her sisters or father wanted.

With her tears finally diminishing, she looked up at the moon for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. She knew instinctively she was at home. Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. She felt safe and warm. Free to be herself, the relationship Ana shared with the Wise Woman was a safe one; missing her presence when apart.

Lost in thought, Ana changed her focus to listen to the Owl say, “Ana… work together, acknowledge  imperfections, be more accepting of yourself and others.”

Looking up at the moon, Ana noticed it was one-half full by the sun’s direct light. As she did, she spoke with the Owl about all she learned tonight about family; about working cooperatively; and how to love and care for others, even when the same is not returned. Offering a safe place  in her heart, she could love, protect, appreciate, care for, and provide emotional support to others so they feel truly loved.

At last, in a safe place herself, Ana felt at peace and at home. Calmness followed.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

Once again, the Wise Woman was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge and opened her left hand, palm down, to show her she was eager to learn more.

“Your index finger represents your Individual Life and the relationship you have with your self. This life allows you to learn more about and share your unique gifts and talents with others. This form of self-expression not only allows you to share your talents with others, but it also encourages others to do the same. It is with this life you can achieve all your dreams; explore and experience all your desires; and integrate all your lives to form a holistic view of your self.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our individual life – either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others – to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we prevent full development of, refuse to share, or even abuse our unique gifts and talents in our interactions with others.”

“This life too?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Oh brother!”

As they continued their conversation, they built a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes”, she said hesitantly.

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.

She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger.

As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit.

Her breasts followed, along with each nipple. Moving downward, she touched her stomach and the sides of her body.

She then allowed each of her ten fingers to enter and then slowly exit her navel. Further downward, she touched her genital area and her buttocks. As she touched, she relaxed even more. Her inner thigh areas came next, including each of her buttock cheeks… Like before, just like the first time.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled how as a young child regardless of time of day or circumstance, she loved to sing. Oh how she loved to sing and was known for singing in the middle of the night. It was in the quiet stillness of the night that she would sing one of her childhood favorites – “Ma, He’s Making Eyes at Me.” In the absence of a loved one, she didn’t feel quite alone when she sang aloud. Soothing a restless soul, the gift of song brought a comfort that lulled her back to sleep. That is when voices throughout the house did not yell at her to “Be still!”

For a time Ana cried uncontrollably as it was then she realized the root of her hesitation in using her beautiful voice; not only to sing, but to speak up and openly express herself in so many ways. She no longer sang around the house or in the church choir. She was scared to share her thoughts and feelings aloud and feared public speaking even more, hearing an inner voice admonishing her before her mouth ever opened.

With her tears finally diminishing, she looked up at the moon for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. As she did, she listened to the Owl sing, “With messages and meanings coming to call… walls of pain crumble … crumble and fall.”

Looking up at the moon, Ana noticed it was only one-quarter full by the sun’s direct light. Now singing along with the Owl, her song was a different tune this evening; one about breaking down barriers and letting go of pains from her past that prevented her from sharing her thoughts and feelings, her hopes and dreams along with her gifts and talents with others. In letting go of her own fears, she learned she was also giving others permission to do the same. That night, the voice of her heart, mind, and spirit burst out in song, a song that grew stronger and more confident with each verse. Feeling more alive, calmness soon followed. She not only started to feel more empowered to speak up for herself, but for others who did not yet have a voice too.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

Once again, the Wise Woman was waiting for her.

“My … you look so beautiful this evening.”

“Thank you,” said Ana beamed.

She sat on the grass along the water’s edge as she was eager to learn even more. Ana had already learned about five of the moons – the power tools – which were found on her right hand.

She looked into the Wise Woman’s eyes; she was obviously very pleased.

“Let’s examine the five moons on your left hand.”

Ana opened her left hand, palm down, and said, “Tell me more.”

“Your thumb on your left hand represents your Professional Life – your work along with the relationships you establish with your co-workers. In early times, it was known as the “survival life” because our ancestors hunted and fished for food. Today, though, most of us shop for food at a supermarket. So now, most of us have a professional or an academic life. Represented by your left thumb, your professional life remains separate from your other lives. Just like your body, our professional life is only necessary on earth. Once we pass onto our next life, we no longer need a professional life to survive.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our professional life – either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others – to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, our skills do not fully develop or diminish over time with our professional relationships suffering from abuse, neglect, or misuse.”

“I know my professional life is okay, so don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

“I won’t,” she said and shook her head.

As they continued their conversation, Ana helped the Wise Woman build a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes,” Ana said.

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas. She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin.

Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger. As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit. Her breasts followed, along with each nipple. Moving downward, she touched her stomach and the sides of her body.

She then allowed each of her ten fingers to enter and then slowly exit her navel. Further downward, she touched her genital area and her buttocks. As she touched, she relaxed even more… Like before, just like the first time.

Ana opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled a number of mentoring experiences. Her first mentoring experience was as a young woman. Fresh out of college, Ana worked for the local office of a national firm, where was promoted and sent out-of-state for training. During training, Harley… a manager she previously worked with, heard of her promotion and asked Senior Management whether she could be transferred to his office in another state as he wanted to mentor her. With his request granted, Ana moved out-of-state to learn about the corporate world under his guidance. While she enjoyed her work, her co-workers, and working with her former manager again, the experience was short-lived as Ana found it difficult to adjust to her new life. Making friends outside of work in “the big city” was difficult. Not accustomed to living so far away from home, she grew homesick for her loved ones, prematurely accepted her boyfriend’s marriage proposal, and moved back home. Ana eventually realized that she never gave herself a chance to grow, or to benefit fully from a mentoring relationship. Further, she never did learn all that she could have and ultimately missed out on a great deal of knowledge.

The next mentoring opportunity came many years later. It was during a very dark period of Ana’s life when she reflected on her mortality and about what she had accomplished to date. While Ana worked hard, was great at what she did, and earned a good living, she still was not satisfied. She lacked challenge; felt as though her career was stagnating; and wanted something more. Then Dan came into her life and her whole world changed. In working through and learning from her past, Ana learned who she was and discovered her strengths as well as her weaknesses. Dan also taught Ana to challenge many beliefs she’d inherited from others; to view situations from many different vantage points; as well as to move beyond her comfort zone to take risks. It was through his love and guidance that Ana flourished and began to love as well as feel good about herself.

Unfortunately, their relationship was a rocky one as both Ana and Dan had strong personalities. With boundaries never clearly defined for their relationship, tempers often flared when she disagreed with him – which happened a lot! From the onset, their mentor-protégé relationship was extremely passionate. Over time, their relationship started to fall apart as Ana developed romantic feelings for Dan; feelings that Ana eventually learned Dan never felt towards her. In the wake of this, Ana was devastated. Not only did she equate the sexual intimacy they shared with love, but she felt victimized when he lied about his credentials and denied ever being intimate with her. While Ana learned a great deal from Dan, she started to have doubts about him and about what he taught her for his actions did not match what he taught.

Ana cried uncontrollably for a time as she realized her life now lacked purpose and direction; that somehow she had missed out on a great deal of knowledge and had not fully realized the benefits of each mentor-protégé experience.

With her tears finally diminishing, Ana looked up at the sky. It was noticeably darker tonight as the moon’s illuminated side was no longer visible and facing away rather than towards the earth. Yet in spite of the great darkness, Ana found herself reaching out to the hand of her latest mentor. It was then she discovered the Wise Woman was still with her, leading her slowly and safely back to shore. Looking up at the sky once more, Ana realized that even in great darkness there was someone greater than she protecting her.

Once on shore, Ana reflected as she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. In the quiet darkness, the Owl’s messages remained loud and frequent, “Ana… you learn well even in darkness. Listen to your thoughts and you’ll learn even more.”

Listening attentively to every detail the Owl shared, Ana soon realized her life is full of choices. During her first mentoring experience, Ana chose to return home rather than learn from Harley. During her mentoring experience with Dan, Ana chose to become his victim, ignoring the many warning signs Owl presented her along the way rather than walking away.

Tonight Ana learned to seek guidance from many individuals, rather than having blind faith in one; that each of us only holds a fraction of all knowledge and that wisdom is only possible from living that knowledge. So even in making such a profound error in judgement, she learned the value of using her humanity to forgive not only others, but her own self too so she could move more forward with her life.

With greater reflection, Ana learned that each tomorrow brings a new day; a new beginning where she’s given a chance do things differently. She could choose to seek out the good in people or find fault in them; to ask pointed questions, or sustain doubt; to establish ground rules in relationships, or be a victim for lack of them. Realizing that as her knowledge grew, she created new opportunities to share what she knows with every individual placed in her life. With our Creator as the ultimate source of knowledge and wisdom, Ana learned He is also our ultimate mentor; the best place to go for encouragement and support. Further, Ana learned that as we grow into the person He created us to be, the role of each mentor in our life was that of servant and messenger of our Creator’s love and guidance; not a substitute for our Creator’s love and guidance.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

Even in the darkness of nights, Ana heard and felt a clear, comforting voice linger within her, guiding decisions she was about to make. With renewed purpose and direction, calmness soon followed as she reclaimed her professional life.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

As the moon rose over the setting sun, Ana searched for the Wise Woman for a fifth lesson. Once again, the Wise Woman was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge; popped the last snow pea into her mouth with delight; then opened her right hand palm down to show she was eager to know more.

The Wise Woman said, “Your pinkie finger represents your Spirit – the conscious attitude that excites the heart, inspires the mind, motivates the body, and tantalizes all five senses into action and reaction. It’s what creates passion, provides hope, instills strength, builds confidence, increases self-worth, and affirms self love.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our spirit, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to diminish the positive outlook we once had about our life. Out of fear of being hurt again, we lose inspiration, become hopeless, grow weaker, lose confidence, question our ability, and eventually lose all desire to live.”

“Don’t tell me…,” Ana looked at the Wise Woman.

The Wise Woman nodded and said, “I’m afraid so.”

“Oh come on!” Ana pouted, folding her arms across her chest. “This is ridiculous!”

Continuing their conversation, Ana remained silent as they built a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes,” Ana said a bit disappointed.

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.

She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger.

As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit.

Her breasts followed, along with each nipple. Moving downward, she touched her stomach and the sides of her body. She then allowed each of her ten fingers to enter and then slowly exit her navel… Like before, just like the first time.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled how as a young girl she loved her aunt who doted on her; a rare treat her own mother never provided. Ana and her aunt would spend the whole day doing what girly girls loved to do best – fuss over the latest up-do, chat over lunch, try on make-up, dress up in frilly things, paint fingernails, and smell flowery perfumes. Thoroughly exhausted by mid-afternoon, they would plop on the bed in the master bedroom and fall asleep in each other’s arms; that was until her uncle came home from work. Then all hell broke loose as he resented the attention her aunt paid her. He would rant and rave about how Ana was not her aunt’s child to spoil, and that if anyone should be pampered, it was him.

For a time Ana cried uncontrollably as it was the last time she and her aunt spent a whole day together to do girly things together. A few years later, her aunt and uncle moved out of state.

With her tears finally diminishing, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. As she did, she noticed the Owl’s voice seemed louder today. “Ana… as you see and feel your self more clearly, my messages become clearer too.”

Looking up at the quarter moon, Ana clearly heard the Owl’s message. She thought about all she learned this evening; about how her past pain and how it held her back from dressing up or from being pampered. In not caring for her own self, she failed to love herself, and failed to see herself as an incredibly beautiful woman who is capable of giving and receiving much love. Never allowing herself to feel feminine or sensuous, she failed to find herself desirable, and failed to allow others to find her desirable too. In reclaiming love for her self once more tonight, calmness soon followed.

Fading in the distance she heard the Wise Woman say, “All five moons on your right hand – your body, mind, heart, spirit, and five senses are gifts from our Creator that empower you to explore your world, our Creator, and your Walking Spirit, too.”

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

As the moon rose over the setting sun, the Wise Woman greeted her in anticipation of their fourth lesson. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge and opened her right hand, palm down, to show her she was eager to know more.

The Wise Woman said, “Your ring finger represents your Five Senses. It’s what allows you to see, feel, taste, smell, and hear everything in the world around you, allowing you to become more aware of your self, our Creator, and your Walking Spirit.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our five senses, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we begin to deny what we see; tune out what we hear; numb what we feel; ignore what we smell; and forget what we taste. Eventually fear breeds pain and confusion, causing us not to see, hear, taste, smell, and/or feel anything, or imagine things not really there.”

“Phew! It would be awful to be that mixed up,” said Ana. “Luckily, I don’t have that problem.”

The Wise Woman looked into Ana’s eyes and asked, “Are you sure about that?”

“Oh come on, you have got to be kidding?” stammered Ana.

As they continued their conversation, Ana pouted as they built a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes,” Ana said half-heartedly.

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas. She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger. As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit. Her breasts followed, along with each nipple. Moving downward, she touched her stomach and the sides of her body… Like before, just like the first time.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled how as a young girl her father forced her to stay at the dinner table countless times past her bedtime until she ate all the peas on her plate. Oh, how she hated canned peas. She vividly recalled the sound they made as they rolled off the spoon and onto her plate; the sickening smell of brine; and the panic that followed as she anticipated the slimy texture entering her mouth. She remembered how her body cringed as the warm, salty taste filled her mouth and how she squirmed as her throat closed up as she tried to swallow a spoonful.

For a time Ana cried uncontrollably as the memories flowed. It was as though every pea she ever ate represented the lack of control she had over the people, places, and circumstances in her life. So much so she found herself turning inward; often withdrawing from her surroundings, she ignored the sights, sounds, fragrances, flavors, and textures vying for her attention. Good or bad, all the stimulation seemed too much.

With her tears finally diminishing, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. She listened intensely as the Owl whispered, “Ana… You are never alone. I walk with you always. In joyous times, I celebrate with you. During the most sorrowful of times, I comfort you.” Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed.

Looking up at the half-moon moon once more, Ana spoke to the Owl about how much she learned this evening, not only about herself, but also about her past pains. She realized that while there was little in life she had control over, she did have a choice. She could react emotionally to people, places, and situations with little or no forethought, or she could take a step back, take in everything with all of her senses, and reflect on all the possibilities before responding. By choosing to respond rather than to react, she was no longer placing limitations on her own self;  she was actually expanding her possibilities. Reclaiming all of her senses along with the joyful and sorrowful experiences they emanate, calmness soon followed. For she realized joy and sorrow were from the same place; that one could not fully explore freedom’s joy without ever experiencing its lack conceives.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

As before, the Wise Woman was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge, and opened her right hand, palm down, to show she was eager to know more.

The Wise Woman said, “Your largest finger, your middle finger, represents your Heart, for your emotions allow you to create, develop, and build relationships.

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our hearts, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we begin to hide our emotions, bury our affections for another, and deny our selves of desired relationships. Eventually this fear breeds emotional turmoil, leading to deterioration of relationships with our loved ones.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Oh nothing.”

Again, they built a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?

“Yes.”

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.

She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin. Downward still, she touched her neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, and each finger.

As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit… Like before, just like the first time.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled her first love. She fell hard for David, a young man with whom she met through her childhood friend, Kathy. Six years her senior, David was smart, funny, and caring. She was most appreciative of his genuine warmth and incredible patience as she became comfortable with his attention and affections. Yet, as much as she loved him, her family disapproved of their relationship; partly because of the age difference and partly because he was at a loss as to what to do with his college education. Not one for confrontations, she dated him secretly for a time, but the burden proved to be too great. Heartbroken and not knowing what else to do, she eventually broke off her relationship with him. To this day, she regretted not being strong enough to defend herself and the fragile love she felt for him. As tears started to flow, she wondered how different her life, his life would now be had she chosen her love for him over that of her family.

Since then she has struggled with relationships and in openly expressing her needs and true feelings. In trying so hard to please others, she shortchanged her own self and her own needs. Her mind now drifted towards Jason, her new love who remained friendly towards his former loves.

“How does he do that?” she thought in amazement. For she still held so much bitterness towards her former loves; not only for having stayed in unsatisfying often abusive relationships for far too long, but also for still having romantic thoughts and feelings for them.

With her tears starting to diminish, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Listening carefully to the Owl she heard, “Ana… trust not only your head, but your heart too.” Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off and to absorb everything she learned before getting dressed.

Looking up once more at the light of the half moon, Ana learned so much this evening about relationships; not only with others, but also with her own self. She learned so much about love and about forgiveness. She learned over time relationships often take on many forms, transitioning fluidly from one form to another. What may first be romantic, may work better as friendship; what may start as friendship may blossom into something passionate and romantic; or what may appear as friendship may also embrace romance. The true nature of each relationship stands on its own merit without judgment; the beauty of each embraced for its uniqueness; its love realized when accepted and honored.

Thinking about Jason once more, she started to understand how he did it. In showing her what loved looked and felt like, she realized it was a feeling she always wanted him to feel for her regardless of their relationship’s path. Embracing her own self as she stood near the fire, the unconditional love he has shown her was has been incredibly beautiful with its unwavering acceptance; its warmth filled with hope, promises, and possibilities. With her heart now filled with so much joy, a joy she wanted others to feel too, she learned love is not for a select few. Rather, it is as basic as the air we breathe. A need each of us can fulfill in another as long as our heart is open to the possibility. The choice is ours. Reclaiming her heart along with all its emotions, calmness soon followed.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

This time the Wise Woman, again dressed in the colors of water and fire, was waiting for her. Ana sat on the grass along the water’s edge and opened her right hand palm down to show she was eager to know more.

Very pleased, the Wise Woman smiled and said, “Your index finger represents your Mind. It gives you a sense of direction, combining all your thoughts, dreams, and desires.”

“Sometimes, though, whether we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed upon our minds, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we begin to hide our thoughts, bury our dreams, and deny our selves of desires. Eventually depression and nightmares set in as fear of exposure robs us of our true thoughts, our true dreams, and our true desires.”

“Hmmmmm,” said Ana. “I don’t have that problem.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes … pretty sure.”

As they continued their conversation, they began to build a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Are you ready for a Spiritual Bath?”

Ana disrobed, walking carefully into the gently moving stream. Once comfortable, she closed her eyes to clear her heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires.

Totally relaxed now, Ana envisioned her ten fingers as a drawing instrument, her body a canvas.

She touched her soft hair and outlined the shape of her head. Her facial features followed, from her forehead to her chin…

As she drew, she started to see and feel who she was with her mind as well as her heart, five senses, and spirit… Like before, just like the first time.

She opened her eyes and looked into the flame on the water’s edge. As she did, she recalled how she dreamed of going to college to be a social worker, a teacher, or perhaps a writer. An average student, teachers and parents alike told her that her grades were not good enough to go to college. Determined to prove them wrong, she said, “Watch me!” Over time, her grades improved over time and she attended a local college.

She first studied the social sciences. Oh how she loved Psychology, fascinated as to why people behaved the way they did. Sociology was a close second. She enjoyed learning about people, the communities where they lived, as well as their cultures, beliefs, and traditions. Unfortunately, Ana struggled with the practical aspect of the social sciences – namely, social work. While she wanted to help the less fortunate, she found it difficult to relate to many of their challenges as she had lived a sheltered life.

Ana then gravitated towards education, hoping to become an elementary school teacher. Oh how she loved planning lessons, tailoring lessons around different learning styles. What’s more, she loved working with children in the classroom setting; especially the young ones. Their thirst for knowledge was insatiable. Unfortunately, Ana, and the classroom teacher who observed and evaluated her did not get along well. Having taught many years, the teacher had a set way of doing everything. “Too rigid,” Ana thought. Much like a little girl herself, Ana loved to learn and was open to trying different approaches with different children to see what worked and what didn’t.

Disillusioned with social work and education, Ana started to take writing classes and kept a journal of her writings. Oh, how she loved to write – especially poetry. She received so much encouragement from her professors too. One in particular said she had a gift for ‘language compactness’ and that while it might take a few years to know for sure, he thought she truly had a gift for the written word. He said she had ‘raw talent’. Excited, Ana couldn’t wait to share the good news with her family. Finally, she knew what she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to be a writer and had a talent and passion for it too.

Her excitement quickly diminished though when her father said, “No daughter of mine is going to be a writer.”

“But why not?” she asked.

“Because very few people make a good living at it, that’s why! Novelists live troubled lives, Ana. They tend to observe rather than live life; and ultimately, as they isolate themselves from the world, alcohol and drugs become their only friends. As for journalists … well, they just prey on other people’s miseries in search of a story. And there’s certainly no honor in that.”

Determined to become a writer, Ana whispered under her breath, “Watch me!”

It was then Ana realized she came very close to giving up her dream. As the memories flowed, she cried uncontrollably, realizing she fought vigorously for everything – to obtain a higher education, to learn about people and communities, to use her talents as a writer – all in an effort to gain confidence and reach her full potential.

With her tears finally diminishing, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Once on shore, she stood by the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. As she did, the Owl whispered, “Ana… always listen to your thoughts, dreams, and desires. Delivered as a voice from within, you may also see them in the form of dreams. All guide you in finding your life’s purpose.”

Looking up at the three-quarter moon, Ana listened to the Owl’s soothing voice felt from within. As she did, she thought about all she learned this evening about her self, her dreams, her determination to fulfill them, and about having to fight for everything. Taking a deep breath, she started to realize she even fought with those who agreed with her! Taking another deep breath, she realized she no longer needed to fight. She had achieved so much in life. She not only became a writer as she had hoped, but she learned she had a great passion for life as well as people and their communities. She thought about all of her experiences so far. Perhaps there was to way to blend all of her talents so she could help people within the communities where they lived. It was then she realized she was capable of so much good; so much more than she ever imagined. She could touch so many lives with her talents. Reclaiming her mind along with all of its knowledge, all of its dreams, calmness soon followed.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know yet?” she asked herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There is still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

“Notice how the top of each fingernail, near the start of your skin, is shaped like a half moon. Located underneath the skin is the other half of the moon.”

“Oh my … I never noticed that before, but you’re right.”

“A very special power exists between the Moon and Earth. This power keeps the Earth alive and balanced. The Ten Moons you see at your fingertips also hold a very special power. They not only tell you who you are, but when combined, they make you feel whole, strong, full of life, and most of all, balanced.”

Excited, Ana said, “Please tell me more.”

“The Ten Moons you see on your fingertips will help you understand who you are; why you are here; and how to connect with your Walking Spirit and our Creator.”

“Connect? I don’t understand.”

“You will. That is why we are here; so we may learn.”

“Oh,” said Ana, “like a big school?”

“Yes, life is like one big school. And just like school, we learn as little or as much as we want to learn. The Ten Moons are gifts from our Creator to help us learn.”

“Oh … now I understand. I think. Tell me more.”

“You’re catching on. We use the ten fingers on our hands to help us find and remember each of the Ten Moons. Once each ‘moon’ is found, time and patience are needed to really understand what each means. Each tells you something wonderful about you.”

Impatient, Ana asked “How much time?”

“As little or as much time as you need to learn everything. It does require patience.”

“What the heck does that mean?” Ana whispered and twisted her lip in defiance.

“Are you going to be stubborn, or are you going to listen and maybe learn something?”

“Sorry”, Ana replied sheepishly.

“Okay then. As you find and learn about each moon, one more piece is added until one day you can see and feel the whole picture of who you are and your life in front of you.”

“Like putting a puzzle together?” asked Ana.

“Yes, it is very much like putting together a puzzle. Once you connect all Ten Moons, you will see the whole picture of who you are and your life.”

“Wow!”

“Now, let’s take a look at your right hand. Your right thumb represents your Body. See how your thumb is separated from the rest of your fingers?”

“So it is.”

“That’s because our body is only needed when we are here on earth. Once we pass onto our next life, our body separates from our heart, mind, spirit, and five senses. While on earth, our bodies allow us to navigate, much like a car. Through our bodies, we can move freely in our world so we can explore and experience everything.”

“Sometimes, though, whether or not we are fully aware of it, we allow past pains placed on our bodies, either by our own infliction or by the infliction of others, to consume us. Out of fear of being hurt again, we unknowingly begin to ignore, abuse, or misuse our bodies even more.”

“I don’t have that problem,” said Ana.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Very sure.”

As they continued their conversation, they started a small fire along the water’s edge.

“Many years ago, a Native American woman developed a special water meditation exercise called the ‘Spiritual Bath’. While water relaxes and heals our heart, mind, body, and spirit, meditation expands our consciousness and heightens our five senses. Together, water meditation helps you to relax, producing a calmness that allows you to become more aware of your surroundings as well as with who you are.”

“Oh,” said Ana. “So you’re saying this Spiritual Bath not only cleanses and relaxes your body, but it also allows you to become more aware of your surroundings and learn more about who you are?”

“That’s right. And this calmness also allows you to connect with our Creator and with your Walking Spirit.”

“Mr. Owl?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm…interesting. So tell me … do you need anything special to take one of these Spiritual Baths?”

“Well… I can talk you through it this evening if you like.”

“Here? In the stream?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know about that,” she says hesitantly. “What would I need to do?”

“Disrobe then walk carefully into the gently moving stream taking care to sit in the water with your back along the stream’s edge. I will then guide you the rest of the way.”

Ana did as asked, disrobing and making her self comfortable in the water.

“Now what?”

“Close your eyes then clear your heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit of all the day’s emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires. Then tell me when you are ready.”

“Ready,” Ana said a few minutes later.

“With your eyes still closed, envision your ten fingers as a drawing instrument and your heart, mind, body, five senses, and spirit as an artist’s canvas. Starting from the top of your head and moving downward, start to draw who you are by allowing your fingers to touch every part of you. As you do, you will begin to see and feel who you are.”

Ana started to ‘draw’, bringing both of her hands up to her head. Using all ten fingers, she slowly touched her soft hair then ran them across the top of her head to feel its shape. Moving downward, she touched her facial features, from her forehead to her chin and every feature in between.

Continuing downward, she moved her fingers over her neck both front and back. Her shoulders, arms, elbows, wrists, and each finger followed. As she drew, she started to see who she was with her mind as well as with her heart, five senses, and spirit.

Now, allowing her fingers to touch and caress each of her breasts, she took time to include each nipple. Moving downward, she touched all of her stomach area, including the sides of her body. She then allowed each of her ten fingers to enter and then slowly exit her navel. Further downward, she softly and slowly touched all of her genital area, inside and out. As she touched, she allowed herself to relax even more.

Her inner thigh areas came next, including each of her buttock cheeks. Her legs, including her knees, calf, ankles, feet, and each toe, were all that remained.

Now completely relaxed, she rested her arms and kept her eyes closed. Using her heart, mind, five senses, and spirit, she began to see and feel her self and her body from outside herself.

“Open your eyes and look into the flame on the water’s edge,” the Wise Woman said.

As she did, Ana recalled the time as a young child she innocently wiggled her hips and fanny, imitating Elvis Presley on TV. As she danced around the living room, she hummed a different tune from the one her mother played on the piano. While her mother smiled with glee at her daughter’s quirky, but free-spirited dance, the joy quickly diminished when her father came home. Seeing her dance, he screamed something she did not understand, spanked her fanny hard, and sent her to her room without dinner. Not knowing what she did wrong, she cried until she fell asleep.

Oh how all the memories came back to her; the quirky dance, the lively music, the yelling, the spanking, and the crying. As the memories flowed freely so did the tears. For a time she cried uncontrollably. Without knowing it, it was the last time she did that quirky “fanny dance.” It was also the last time she showed off her playful side. Since then she’d taken life so seriously. Uptight, she was self-conscious about how others viewed her, and became overly concerned with image – hers and others. Over the years, she cared too much about what other people thought and felt and did not dare disappoint.

With tears starting to flow freely, she looked up at the moon’s brilliant light for guidance as she slowly returned to shore. Once on shore, she stood close to the warm fire to dry off before getting dressed. As she did, she heard the Owl whisper from the nearby tree, “Ana … I walk with you always. Just speak to me when you need guidance.”

Looking up at the three-quarter moon, Ana reassured the Owl she would. She started to whisper to the Owl about all she learned this evening – about her self; her love of dance; of how confidence in body movement is linked to self-image and self-worth; and how wonderful it would it would feel to be that playful little girl again. “Why couldn’t she be?” she thought. She took a deep breath, started to hum, slowly, at first, as she clapped her hands as she danced to the light of the moon. In that moment, Ana chose to be that playful little girl she once was again. Reclaiming her body along with all its movements, calmness followed.

Ready to learn more, Ana searched for, but discovered the Wise Woman was no longer with her. “Where did she go? Have I learned all I need to know?” she thought to herself.

“Have patience,” the Owl whispered. “There’s still so much more to learn.”

Very weary from the journey thus far, Ana returned home to rest.

To be continued…

As she did every morning, she walked over to the dresser mirror to brush the tangles out of her long brown, wavy hair. This time, however, there was something horribly wrong and she let out a piercing scream; her image no longer reflected back at her.

Tears now flowing, she heard a familiar hooting sound coming from a locust tree outside her bedroom window. The Owl.

“Hoot! Hoot! Whatever is the matter?”

Ana turned away from the mirror. “Oh Mr. Owl, I am in so much trouble,” she lamented.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“I got up this morning and looked in the mirror as I always do, but this time I could no longer see myself looking back at me.”

“Oh dear … when did that happen?”

“I don’t know exactly; but it must have happened when I was sleeping.”

Ana sniffed and wiped her nose on her nightgown sleeve.

“When is the last time you actually saw and felt the real you?” the Owl asked.

“I’m pretty sure I was there yesterday when I brushed my hair.”

“Oh my,” said the Owl over and over again as he shook his head. “I was afraid of that.”

Tears still flowed freely down Ana’s cheeks. “Whatever do you mean? What did I do? What do I do?”

“I can’t help there, but I know who can.”

“Who? Who?” asked Ana.

The Owl smiled wryly at hearing a familiar sound. “Seek out the Wise Woman of the Water.”

“Where can I find her?”

“By the water, of course, but only after sun sets and the moon rises.”

“How will I know her?”

Ana was too late; the Owl had flown away.

That night, as the moon rose over the setting sun, Ana walked along the water’s edge in search of the Wise Woman. Not knowing exactly who she was looking for, Ana sat on the grass and wept.

Suddenly, over her shoulder she heard someone whisper. “Dear one, what brings you to the water’s edge with such a heavy heart on such a brisk night?” Her voice had a quiet, powerful energy, yet it was as gentle as the wind.

Startled, Ana turned, looked up, and saw an elderly, heavyset woman with long, braided black hair. Her pursed lips grew into a gentle smile, softening the wrinkles outlining her face, and emphasizing her deep-set brown eyes. Dressed in colors of water and fire, it has been said she shared incredible knowledge garnered with wisdom to those who choose to walk with her along the water’s edge.

The Wise Woman knelt on the grass beside Ana and listened attentively as Ana shared.

“As I looked into a mirror to brush my hair this morning, I discovered my image no longer reflected back at me. That somehow, without knowing exactly how, why, or when, I lost my self.”

“I spoke with Mr. Owl. He often sits outside my bedroom window. Normally, I don’t pay much attention to him, but today I asked him what I should do. ‘Seek out the Wise Woman of the Water,’ he said. ‘She’ll know what to do.’ And so I have.”

“Perhaps you should pay more attention to the Owl,” the Wise Woman gently suggested. “He is your Walking Spirit. He walks with you, guiding and protecting you always. When you need him, just speak with him.”

Ana listened attentively to what the Wise Woman said. She desperately wanted to find herself again, but didn’t know how or where to begin. “I promise to listen,” she said. “If I find my self again, I will hold on to who I am and never let go.”

The Wise Woman gave a gentle smile as she helped Ana to her feet. As they walked along the water’s edge, the Owl followed. Together they began a miraculous journey spanning four seasons and ten moons.

To be continued…